dmoon
首页- 英文幽默- 中文幽默- 图文幽默- 英语视频- 幽默搜索
【幽默】1999年达尔文奖获得者

首页:幽默学英语    日期:2008年10月14日    [新窗口打开]

        For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards. These awards are given annually to those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. http://www.xue90.cn来自《幽默学英语》网

Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chances of long-term survival.

DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP:

#1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital.

#2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional revolver) to Ken's head and fired.

#3 - PHILLIPSBURG, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male choked to death on a sequined panties he had orally removed from an exotic dancer at a local establishment. "I didn't think he was going to eat it," the dancer identified only as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really drunk."

#4 - (16 April 1999, Washington D.C.) We can thank our lucky stars that there are two fewer paramedics around. Carol and Mark were found dead in their suburban home by Mark's 14-year-old son. The couple were wearing respiratory masks attached to an empty canister of nitrous oxide. Nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, produces a short-lived high, and is often used as a relaxant in dental offices and outpatient clinics. Like every other pure gas, it must be mixed with air or oxygen, lest it cause suffocation. Needless to say, Carol and Mark did not mix the nitrous oxide with air. What makes this story a true Darwin Award candidate is that both of the deceased had enough medical training to have known better. Mark was a 10-year veteran paramedic with the District of Columbia Fire Department. Carol was studying to become an emergency medical technician in a suburban fire department. Even more amusing is a quote from the Washington D.C. Fire Department's public information officer, who said that Mark was "one of the most educated and highly trained people we had." That must alleviate the concerns of thousands of D.C. residents!

#5 - MOSCOW, Russia. A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if it would protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into the spirit of the Darwin Awards.)

#6 - In FRANCE, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. he bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a hospital, where he died of hypothermia.

#7 - RENTON, WASHINGTON, USA. A Renton, Washington man tried to commit a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as listed below: 1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms... a gun shop. 2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places. 3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car parked at the front door. 4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one else was hurt.

AND THE 1999 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS.....

THOMPSON, MANITOBA, CANADA. Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker, 31, was killed early Christmas morning by excessive microwave radiation exposure. He was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a telecommunications feed-horn. Baker had been suspended on a safety violation once last year, according to Northern Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya Cooke. She noted that Baker's earlier infraction was for defeating a safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted maintenance catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish. He had told coworkers that it was the only way he could stay warm during his twelve-hour shift at the station, where winter temperatures often dip to forty below zero. Microwaves can heat water molecules within human tissue in the same way that they heat food in microwave ovens. For his Christmas shift, Baker reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn chair, which he positioned directly in line with the strongest microwave beam. Baker had not been told about a tenfold boost in microwave power planned that night to handle the anticipated increase in holiday long-distance calling traffic. Baker's body was discovered by the daytime watchman, John Burns, who was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas roast he thought Baker must have prepared as a surprise. Burns also reported to NMSR company officials that Baker's unfinished beers had exploded.

提示:使用键盘方向键←和→进行上下翻页
最近访问时间:2020/8/13 13:39:39 您的评价: 顶一下0就那样0踩一下0

 

   上篇:【幽默】2000 Darwin Award Winners
   下篇:【幽默】10 Ways to Tell If Your Company is
 
回复 收藏 保存 打印 搜索 后退 首页  


  相关幽默   精彩幽默   网友热评
 -【幽默】 聪明的男孩
 -【幽默】 爱情方程式
 -【幽默】 Square Balls
 -【幽默】 The Looney Bin
 -【幽默】 The hat is brand new
 -【幽默】 当希腊人遇到希腊人
 -【幽默】 Make your own bed
 -【幽默】 愚蠢的问题
 -【生活】 危险的女理发师
 -【生活】 耳朵的事故
 -【幽默】 怎么防止老公太晚回家
 -【幽默】 胸罩罩杯大小新解
 -【家庭】 超级复杂的家庭关系
 -【幽默】 It''s part of the game
 -【幽默】 怎么防止老公太晚回家
 -【医院】 好消息和坏消息
 -【趣味】 英语文字游戏,英文绕口...
 -【娱乐】 变形金刚恶搞终极版
 -【幽默】 孙悟空和白骨精的书信
 -【娱乐】 美国脱口秀主持人奥普拉
 -【学习】 生气时用英语怎么说
 -【趣味】 2008年度最佳春联
 -【幽默】 怎样才能进天堂?
 -【黑色】 2008春节应景对联


万年历  |  下载中心  |  网址导航  |  给我留言  |  交换链接  |  关于本站
© Copyright 2006 dmoon. All rights reserved. (大连·武汉)
版权:幽默学英语  制作:易连通  备案:辽ICP备08002595号